March 15 2020-I decided to write a journal because I have a lot of thoughts swarming, and if I put all these thoughts sporadically on Facebook throughout the day, people will unfriend me for over-posting. As it is, I am already over-sharing articles and memes. Spending way too much time on FB. Day 1 of our 14 day household quarantine officially begins tomorrow. I would prefer to call it hibernation. I am hoping it will be a cozy time of reflection, meditation, organizing, writing, and reading. Our college kids, Noah and Maya arrive tonight from Boston and Washington DC. We foresee domestic travel restrictions soon, so we rushed them out. Noah with just one suitcase because he will leave everything at his apartment. Maya with 3-4 suitcases and exhausted from two days of trying to pack up her room with no help. Eva, the freshman at boarding school, is already home but doesn’t have any of her school stuff and only what she brought for a beach vacation, since this all happened during her Spring Break. Our mother-daughter beach vacation to Tulum, Mexico went ahead as planned because when we left, things were not quite as dire. We had a wonderful and blissful four days. Then, around the end of day 4 the news from back home started coming in and the situation began to escalate…fast. We shortened our Tulum leg by a day, and canceled the next leg of the trip to Miami.

This crisis has not come as much of a surprise to me - I saw this coming as soon as the Wuhan crisis began. I feel like we had a chance to get prepared for it but people saw it as a Chinese problem. We have been warned over and over that we were due for a global pandemic. I agree it seemed like a far off notion - like the 10 plagues in the biblical story seem so far off from us now. When it all started in Wuhan, I feared this would not be isolated to only China and when it began to spread to Hong Kong and Japan, I knew it was only a matter of time before it would be here in the US and WE ARE NOT PREPARED…even worse off under the idiot president who is supposedly leading us. Americans don’t tend to believe authority, or follow authority. We don’t think of the group over the individual, like they do in Japan. So, yes, I saw this coming and I am quite worried for our country. When a friend on FB posted a photo of supplies (masks etc.) she was sending to friends and family in Shanghai, I suggested she keep a few behind for herself, because it was bound to be here soon. That was back in January. I guess that having now personally lived through Mt. St Helen’s eruption, Hurricane Andrew, 9/11, the Big Earthquake/Tsunami in Japan in 2015, and the California fires…I have developed a bit of a survival instinct and sense for imminent danger.

This is different though. In the other disasters, you could “get away” from the danger, leaving the brave heroes to stay behind on the front lines. Here, there is just nowhere to go. We can only stay in our homes and hope that this will “flatten the curve”. Someone posted something about how “our grandparents were asked to go fight in wars, and all that is being asked of us, is to stay home and sit on the couch.” How hard is that? Can’t we be Couch Warriors? There are people out there who don’t get it. They say its over hyped. They are still out there in restaurants, cafes, bars, and going to the gym, taking their kids to activities, birthday parties and bounce houses, or attending conferences. (A shout out here to the heroes of this crisis: healthcare workers, and the Amazon delivery guy!)

If we could get everyone to stay home for two weeks (which I don’t think will happen), it would help flatten the curve, but then how much longer? Are we going to have to stay quarantined for months? This is still a big unknown. In the other disasters I have experienced, it was clear when it was safe to go back home. Begin to rebuild. I don’t know how we are going to know that it is safe to live our lives again. I suppose only if and when they develop a vaccine will it truly be safe. Or maybe it will “mysteriously disappear” like that Sylvia Browne wrote in her 2008 book. That would be awesome.…but then if she is right, it might be back in again in 10 years! Perhaps by then we will be more prepared.

As soon as Wuhan emerged as a crisis, I listened and read every report I could, trying to learn about what was in store for us. Those images of the empty streets with the disinfecting trucks were pretty terrifying. Or the story of the woman who’s entire family was sick and a truck was coming around to collect the dead, including her grandmother. I watched the morning shows…everybody suddenly talking about washing hands and “social distancing”. A new term for all of us that is now our new norm. When they said you have to wash your hands for 20 seconds, I didn’t know if that was counting just the rubbing with soap, or did it include the rinsing off time as well. (I know now that it is 20 seconds with soap PLUS the time to rinse it off. Also, did you know that the water is supposed to be as hot as you can stand?). I was one of the first “weirdos” to offer a fist bump instead of a handshake or hug in a social setting. I fear for the next weeks, but hope I am wrong. Maybe the nation will buckle down and self quarantine, and we can get through this with minimal personal loss.

Right now, I don’t personally know anyone who is sick from this or has died. One friend’s son is home from university. miserable and very sick with flu like symptoms, but he has not been tested yet. I am truly saddened to think of the families suffering loss. For now, I am allowing myself to be sad about the other stuff…the squashed dreams. I fear for later editions of this journal and what I might be sad about. Things might be getting worse - especially if people do not help by doing their part and stay home.

Some things that are making me sad:

#The high school seniors not able to rule the school, missing commencement, missing senior trips to Disneyland.

#The young actress who was due to make her Broadway debut.

#The struggling start up that was just about to get funding that has now dried up.

#The little bakery that opened a few months ago and was just starting to see profit.

#The junior who was about to leave on her semester abroad and the junior who had to come home from her semester abroad.

#The wedding planner whose income relies on events..and all the business that go into the events business.

#The couple that has to cancel their big wedding with friends and family coming from around the world

#The athletes both professional and amateur of all the cancelled sporting events

#The 21 year old who can’t go out with her friends on her birthday to get carded.

#The college freshman who was finally starting to get her groove, and make friends after a rough start. Who worked so hard as a Walk On for a college rowing team, survived brutal workouts and was killing herself in trainings to be able to race in Spring.

Some Silver Linings

#more time to read, watch tv, write my blog

#making homemade pie for pi day

#actually eating the eggs from our chickens

#not having to wear a bra

#less drinking (maybe)

#more meditation and yoga

#a full 8 hours of sleep at night

#more time to cuddle with the doggies

#my resolution to declutter might actually happen

#less shopping because all the events to wear cute clothes to are canceled

#all my loved ones around me, including my husband who is not able to watch sports…